About Love... from a wise lady's diary

I often wonder whether 'love' is an overrated emotion. Having been overwhelmed by this emotion, since my teen-hood, I often wonder what 'love' is made of? Does it involve passionate physicality, poetic exuberance, or familiarity, earthy practicality and security?

Is love all about a coquettish conversation atop an open-air restaurant, overlooking the Eiffel and serving exquisite French cuisine and red wine, or is it a more homely affair, all about a cozy night preparing a meal together and watching the re-run of a favourite sit-com while talking non-stop about the daily chores and the future, at the same time? Is it about the fragrance of your significant other's favourite perfume, which still lingers in the air, after he has left for work, or is it about the long drive or the trip to Maldives or a vacation atop a tree-house in the remotest of Amazonian jungles? Is love all about taking care of his kids while he earns a living, or is it about going on an exploratory journey around the world, together, while absorbing the sights and sounds of the varied cultures of the world?

Is love a Dionysian affair, altogether? Is it about the 'feel-good' factor? or is love, about responsibility and stability? More importantly, is being happy and being responsible, not possible at the same time, or are they concepts, too antagonistic to each other?

The afore-mentioned contradictions have often perplexed me, and made me ponder over the complexity of this emotion that we so very often, take for granted. However, being a person who analyzes every relationship that she has been through, be it a failure or success, I have come to the conclusion, that love is an indescribable feeling, which cannot be encapsulated by words. However, there are a few golden rules, which I have learnt, not from any romantic novel or an agony aunt's therapeutic advice, but through my own life experiences.

The following are a few of the rules which I will definitely abide by, when in love,...the next time onwards......

1) You may love a man who you think is not worth you, in terms of education or upbringing, but never make the mistake of taking it too seriously. It will go sour one fine day, when the initial sugary romance vanishes, leaving behind the harsh reality of your incompatibility.

2) You may love a man who treats you harshly, specially if you are in the habit of being pampered, and being showered with attention and affection. You might, in this case, find novelty in a man who is rude, and does not have time for you and makes it clear to you. Never make the mistake of sticking to him. The rudeness will not vanish, but will only intensify.

3) You may love a man who you think is perfect. He resembles Adonis (or your favourite movie star, to be a bit more practical), smells awesome, treats you well, is educated, well read and loves fine cuisine, and cannot live without travelling. He soothes you with his intellectual and articulate self. He is 'oh-so-desirable'. However, he may not be the one for you. He may be too self absorbed to love you, or even care about you, in moments when he does not need to woo you.

4) The lady-killer, and the one who brags about having been with a lot of women, may impress you with his 'in-your-face' honesty, but you know what you should be doing in this case. RUN (away from him, and as fast as you can).

5) You may be in love with your ex/es, all over again. You make that call or accept that friend request, which reminds you of every minute detail about the lovely time that you had spent, in the past. You dig into your old albums to look for mushy photos which you may have clicked together, and you meet him, in the hope of rekindling your romance. DON'T. IT'S A TRAP. Life is not a fairy tale, and you are not a damsel in distress who needs a man to rescue you from your loneliness and despair. For all you know, he may be hiding a relationship/ marriage, which he is already a part of, or he may be looking for sweet revenge, and might end up hurting you more than ever. Worst case scenario: You will suddenly remember why it did not work out with him, in the first place, and you will end up having a fierce fight, which makes it impossible for you to even remain friends.

6) Yes, age is just a number and nobody cares if your significant other is too old or too young for you. However, make sure he himself believes in this, and has the enthusiasm, will and the courage to swim against the tide and be with you, and is not just making you feel good momentarily, by playing the perfect modern man.

7) Most importantly, make sure you know what you want from him, since nobody else knows better. You may be tempted by his green card, his impressive bank balance, his suave demeanour, or his Ivy league education. It could also be possible that none of this attracts you and you want a person who will make you happy, will sing to you, will never forget your birthday, will encourage you to pursue your dreams and make you laugh. Most importantly, if you do not love the second type, you need not feel guilty. You decide who comes into your life, and not society or your friends. You may be in love with a person who earns a fortune but spends all of it on vacations and good food. He may not own a bungalow or be able to gift you with that expensive diamond you have always longed for, but who cares? Who decided that a diamond is the epitome of love and affection? Maybe your diamond is exploring the English countryside on foot, or bungee jumping or a mere library with the best of books that he can gift you with. Maybe your diamond is a quiet evening together, at a cozy cafe, sipping on hot chocolate and reminiscing, while it rains outside. Maybe your diamond is not having children at all, but visiting that charity house where you and your significant other contribute, for the well-being of orphans or differently-abled children.

To conclude, what I really wonder, is who are my friends, relatives or even parents, to judge me and my decisions, and why should someone else decide for me, what 'love' should mean, or look like, or sound like, or feel like?

Love is all inclusive and weird and exuberant and vivacious. Love is the soul within you, which cannot be contained by the bonds of a relationship. You do not have to prove that you love someone, by making it evident to others around you. You only need to find someone who knows that you love him, and loves you back, the way you want him too, not mechanically, or materialistically, but wholeheartedly.

Much as I would like to believe, that love can be explained through the rules that I just mentioned, love really has no rules, and just because one rule works for me, it may not work for someone else. Such is the magnanimity of this emotion, and one hopes that the ramblings of this poor soul in love (or out of love), shall be excused.